Daughter Unexpected
by DeathPaladin
Summary: Ichigo/Nel as frantic father/blissfully ignorant adoptive daughter, with an OOC Mayuri as the pitiable doting 'grandpa' you'd rather not have your daughter associate with. Please pity Ichi, Mayuri, Nemu, Soi Fon...hell, all of Seireitei.


Musume Omoigakenai

I do not own BLEACH.

AN: Anyone else get this idea when Nel latches onto Ichigo? The title translates as "Daughter Unexpected", primarily because I doubt Ichigo would've expected to become a 'father' at his age.

It wasn't the strangest day Seireitei had ever seen, not by a long shot.

That being said, it was still pretty effing odd, if only because you rarely saw Kurosaki Ichigo running around like a lunatic. Why was our carrot-headed Vizard and new captain of the Fifth Squad & liaison with the other Vizard spazzing out?

Well, that would be telling. You'll have to read on to find out.

"Excuse me, taicho?"

Soi Fon turned to look at the red-headed shinigami who was addressing her.

"You…you're Yoruichi-sama's friend…Ichigo, was it?"

Ichigo nodded.

"Yes, ma'am. Can I ask a quick question?"

She indicated her agreement but was caught off guard by the actual question.

"Have you seen a green-haired female arrancar about the same size as Yachiru, acting like a three-year-old, with a skull on her head like a cap and wearing a green dress?"

"No…I can't say I have. Why would an arrancar be in Seireitei anyway?"

Ichigo ran his hand down his face.

"Because I LOST HER!" he yelled. Soi Fon stepped back reflexively. "Oh man, Orihime's gonna kill me. She _said_ we needed to find someone to watch her. She _said_ she's too much like Yachiru to stay in one place, even with Shinigami around. _Why_ didn't I listen?" he moaned.

Soi Fon blinked.

"Am I…missing something?"

"Yeah, you are."

Zaraki appeared from the other direction, Yachiru's head poking from over his shoulder.

"Nel ran off, eh?" the imposing man grunted.

"Yeah. You seen her?"

"Hmm…" Yachiru mused. "I think I saw her playing over by Tenth, Itchy."

"Thanks, Yachiru. See ya!"

Ichigo shunpo'd away.

"Will someone _please_ explain to me _WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?_" Soi Fon demanded.

Kenpachi nodded.

"Walk with me."

"_Sorry, Ichigo. She was here, but left when Matsumoto turned her back for a second."_

"_Its okay, Toshiro. Thanks."_

"See, the story I got was, from what I understand, that this Nel was originally Neliel Tu Oderschvank, the 3rd Espada in Aizen's army. The fifth, Nnoitra Jiruga, was a chauvinist who believed that females were, by definition, inferior and unworthy of being in a position of authority over a man, and used any chance he got to humiliate and degrade a woman, giving her the so-called 'deserved' rank."

Soi Fon clenched her fist as Zaraki continued.

"He _hated_ Nel, because of both her superior rank and the fact that she kept defeating and humiliating him. One day, he ambushed her and finally beat her. She was reduced to a child-like form with amnesia and a complete and utter phobia of Shinigami. To her, _we_ were the monsters. Her two Fracion rescued her, and with the help of a sandworm-like Hollow, took care of her as her 'aniki'. Then, Ichigo and his pals-the Quincy and that inhumanly strong guy-along with Rukia and Renji showed up in Hueco Mundo to rescue Orihime. They got separated and one Fracion went with the Quincy, one with that Sado fella, and Ichigo was stuck wit' Nel. Somehow, she got quite attached to Ichigo an' came to see him as a father. When Nnoitra attacked Ichigo, she regained her memory and former power long enough to help before revertin' back to a toddler. I showed up & killed Nnoitra. When we escaped Hueco Mundo, Nel came with and Ichigo & 'Hime started takin' care of her."

"Ah," Soi Fon mused. "Let me see if I understand this correctly. We joined forces with rebel Arrancar, one of whom views a Deputy Shinigami captain, who, by the way, might be _the most powerful spirit being ever_, as her father, and she's like a 'mini-Yachiru'. Is that about right?"

"Yep!" Yachiru piped up.

Soi Fon sighed.

"We're doomed."

"_My apologies, Kurosaki. I have not seen her."_

"_Thanks anyway, Byakuya."_

Ichigo sighed. He had searched everywhere else. All that as left…was Division 12.

"Yes…? Oh, Kurosaki-taicho…do come in."

"Thanks, Nemu, but I just needed to ask something. Have you seen Nel?"

"Oh, well…yes, actually…Mayuri-shishou…"

Ichigo paled.

"You mean to tell me that _my daughter_ has been left alone with _Mayuri Kurotsuchi_?"

"Um, yes…"

"Where are they?"

"Um…well…"

"_Where. Are. They_?" Ichigo asked again, the color of his eyes bleeding amber.

"In the main lab. Down the hall and to the left, third door on the right," Nemu replied automatically.

As Ichigo stormed off, Nemu wondered if she'd signed her captain's death warrant.

_Oh well,_ she thought. _At least then Uryu and I wouldn't have to hide our love._

"…And that, Nel is how to make ice cream with liquid nitrogen."

"Awigato, Mayuwi-jiji."

"NEL!"

The green-haired arrancar broke into a wide grin as her 'otosan' stormed into the room.

"Itsygo!" she cried out happily, jumping into him and holding tight. "Mayuwi-jiji is fun to pway with! He showed me how to make ice cweam with liquid nitwogen!"

"He did? Really?" Ichigo asked, playing the interested father. "Did you say thank you?"

"Hai."

"It was no trouble at all, boy," Mayuri added. "Until Nemu and that Quincy stop trying to pull one over on me and start giving me grandchildren to spoil, it's my pleasure."

Nemu, who had trailed behind Ichigo, promptly fainted.

"I hate it when she does that," Mayuri muttered.

"Nel, why don't you ask if Nemu-san will take you home? Mayuri-taicho and I have some business to discuss."

"Oh-tay, Itsygo!"

As Nel tried to wake Nemu, Ichigo put an arm around Mayuri's shoulders.

"I don't mind if you take care of Nel, as long as a couple conditions are met. If you _ever_ mention your 'research' while Nel is in hearing distance, or so much as _look_ at her in a way I find offensive…"

"…Yes?" Mayuri replied, slightly nervous.

"…I will shove Zangetsu up your ass and release a Getsuga Tensho, bala your round tables, and then unleash Gran Rey Cero point-blank to your face."

"Un…understood."

"Good, good."

Hichigo took control and gave his trademark grin.

"**Have a nice day."**


End file.
